the blog
without hope in life and death
Every Friday evening, I walk through the streets of my neighborhood, where more than 90% of the people weren’t born in Germany. Many of them are directionless and don’t know what the future holds. This uncertainty affects not only immigrants but also many locals. Fear is spreading: many people no longer want to listen to the news and have lost trust in the established political parties. The cost of living is rising, and despite working hard, the money often doesn’t last until the end of the month. Hope seems lost, and the fog that initially blurred our vision is slowly turning into black darkness – a feeling as if we’re in a tunnel with no light at the end.
This bleakness isn’t confined to those with low incomes. Even wealthy individuals who own properties or businesses sometimes feel trapped in a tunnel without any prospect of light.
searching for light in the dark
Many people are searching for a way out, for the „light in the dark.“ In this blog, I want to write subjectively about how I found this light – or rather, how I allowed myself to be found by it.
my journey in dark
For years, I lived in darkness and experienced how the light found me. What I mean by that is my constant attempt to find direction in life. As a child, I grew up in religious circles where strict rules were followed, and toxic group dynamics prevailed. I was afraid of a strict God who would punish me for my sins.
A major contradiction in my life was that I am gay, something considered a mortal sin in my community. Yet, I don’t want to condemn these religious people; they didn’t know any better. The main reason for my inner turmoil was that they couldn’t explain the light and love to me, only fear and violence.
the faith
I am convinced that there is no God who has created something that opposes Himself. God is almighty, merciful, and just. This justice stands in contrast to the evil that threatens our lives and our values. Humans have free will but often make the wrong choices, leading to wars, environmental destruction, and hunger. Even in our personal lives, we often encounter evil – the result of decisions.
I’ve made many wrong decisions in my life, and I still do. I am often unjust and unmerciful toward those around me. But one day, something happened in my life: when I was 19 years old, I stood at the edge, ready to take my own life. With a knife in my hand, I suddenly heard a voice: „Put the knife down!“ When I turned around, no one was there.
Maybe you think I was mentally unstable and hearing things. I believe it was God. Two hours later, I spoke with a good friend who advised me to open myself to God because He had spoken to me in the kitchen. I asked God to „give it a try with me“ – the best words I could find. Despite the violent image of God from my childhood, I suddenly felt a deep inner love and peace.
It was as if a dangerous storm had been stilled. I experienced a supernatural peace that I had never felt before. Since then, it feels like a light has been kindled within me. There have been many storms in my life, but that light has never been extinguished. It burns like the eternal flame in Orthodox or Roman Catholic churches.
my goal with this blog
In my blog, I want to share my life with you – how I experienced the light during dark moments. I don’t want you to take me as an example. My goal is to provoke thought, encourage discussions, and hear your opinions. Feel free to write to me about your experiences as well. What’s important to me is that this blog remains free of religion, fear, and the concept of hell.
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