The Hamster Wheel and the Demon
or the Illusion of the Hamster Wheel
Today is my last day off, a day with no plans – a day to simply be.
These past few days, I’ve spent a lot of time in front of the TV.
“The TV is a time-waster,” says a negative voice within me.
But, looking at it positively, the TV is a way to unwind.
I often tend to judge myself. “Time-waster” is a negative word, and suddenly the demon with the stick stands behind me, driving me forward.
He suggests that it’s a crisis, like post-war times, and that I must work hard to survive. He says I’ve achieved nothing because I don’t own a large house with land.
It’s an old demon, conceived in past crises that no longer exist and from a religion that teaches “work and pray,” with a thirst for material wealth.
Every morning, this old demon stands at my bedside and scolds me:
“How lazy you are, watching TV until midnight during the work week. Drinking wine again on a Wednesday night. Leaving your apartment messy, with laundry lying around.”
This old demon orders me to:
start work early and hurry up;
stop my time with God before work;
finally become a department head;
be responsible in the company, take care of its problems, and solve them;
be obedient to my boss;
that I don’t have enough money and have wasted it;
that I’ve strayed from my faith by not going to church;
that it’s a sin to not rise early on Sundays to go to church;
that I’m too overweight and didn’t meet my 10,000 steps;
that it would be better if I weren’t gay;
that monogamy is important and sex belongs in a relationship;
that it’s improper to talk to young people on the train, as I should be working instead;
and that writing this blog post for you is a waste of time.
So, this demon keeps pushing me, spinning the hamster wheel faster and faster.
But now, I’m done.
I stop the demon.
I halt the hamster wheel and throw a stick in its spokes,
because I am no hamster,
and even hamsters don’t love the wheel.
They spin it only because there’s nothing else for them to do in the cage but eat and turn the wheel.
No human belongs in a cage.
No human is in a cage.
You shouldn’t listen to this demon!
I don’t belong in a cage.
I am not in a cage.
Hamsters belong in nature, in the wild, in freedom.
I am not a hamster, and there is no hamster wheel.
And there is no hamster cage.
This is all an illusion, forced upon us.
I must do nothing but die and go to the bathroom. Yes, I need food, water, and a warm place to sleep. I need human love, sometimes a human embrace.
When I stop the wheel, a ghostly calm appears. And the demon asks, “Do you really want this?” – “Yes,” I answer him. “Leave me in peace, gentle peace.”
There are no ghosts to steal my peace.
And after a while, fear and discomfort fade away,
and calm becomes comforting, like a stranger turned friend.
Peace – I have time to focus on myself, to finally love myself again. I have the courage to say yes to peace, to love and to find myself.
The Messiah says, “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
Self-love is not indulgent consumption or living at the expense of other people or creatures on this planet. Self-love means accepting the here and now. Self-love is self-acceptance, becoming one with one’s own creation and the Creator.
When I accept the here and now, when I love myself, the demons of this society fall silent.
The illusion of the hamster wheel and the cage disappear. Darkness gives way to light.
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